Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
