Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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