You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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