Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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