This gyro tastes like lonliness
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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