What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
