Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
