You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
