I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
