and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
