I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
