I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
