Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  How unfortunate for your Mom.

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  (847): My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein. (1-847): How unfortunate for your Mom. http://tfl.nu/e7p2
  Replies (33) Good night (581) Bad night (3542) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.

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  (843): trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts. http://tfl.nu/p33l
  Replies (17) Good night (462) Bad night (1904) Order T-Shirt
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight

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  (713): Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight http://tfl.nu/37pc
  Replies (22) Good night (614) Bad night (2276) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?

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  (720): well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you? http://tfl.nu/2ont
  Replies (24) Good night (627) Bad night (2696) Order T-Shirt
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  (585): View more from New York

  even my farts smell like vagina

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  (585): even my farts smell like vagina http://tfl.nu/9cib
  Replies (10) Good night (766) Bad night (3319) Order T-Shirt
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.

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  (319): went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there. http://tfl.nu/ufbv
  Replies (9) Good night (3474) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex

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  (404): I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex http://tfl.nu/l7ka
  Replies (44) Good night (7304) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".

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  (760): For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad". http://tfl.nu/gpn1
  Replies (12) Good night (3811) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend

  (1-210): View more from Texas

  I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.

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  (210): drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend (1-210): I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning. http://tfl.nu/558s
  Replies (26) Good night (2001) Bad night (5076)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas

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  (253): So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas http://tfl.nu/0wvi
  Replies (65) Good night (1883) Bad night (15877) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.

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  (917): He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman. http://tfl.nu/emjq
  Replies (5) Good night (2653) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am

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  (970): We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am http://tfl.nu/badm
  Replies (4) Good night (1550) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear

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  (416): Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear http://tfl.nu/hv34
  Replies (3) Good night (600) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.

  (315): View more from New York

  How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??

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  (561): She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation. (315): How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives?? http://tfl.nu/1ctg
  Replies (3) Good night (1727) Bad night (583)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone

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  (513): I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone http://tfl.nu/hffa
  Replies (4) Good night (898) Bad night (460) Order T-Shirt

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