He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy