just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it