I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You have to summon your inner elephant
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism