i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment