He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
