So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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