Got a toothbrush?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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