i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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