MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
