The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
