my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
