my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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