I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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