you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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