She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
