Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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