How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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