I wish my penis had an off switch
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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