Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
