We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
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New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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