I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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