I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
