based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
