Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
