there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
