sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
