Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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