Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
