It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
