happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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