I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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