Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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