She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
