If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
