No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
