True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize