U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You ruined the universe
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
