Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
