i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
