I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
