I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize