my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
