He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
