I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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