I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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