Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
