im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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