I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize