How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
