just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
