If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
only you would photoshop your dick
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
