I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
