i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Say something about gay babies.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
